Death

Death is inevitable. It is something everybody will go through someday. It is not something which you can avoid. Living eternally is often sought after but of course, that will never happen. You can try to put death away, but sooner or later, it will get you.

I have another death in the family. My paternal grandmother just passed away early this morning. She was hospitalised on Monday and warded in an isolated ward cause she had dry cough and they suspected TB. Since its an airborne virus, she cannot be warded in the normal ward. Nenek was already weak and suffering from depression since the passing of my Dad. And earlier, my aunt was saying that Nenek cannot recognise her daughters. Tell-tale signs perhaps?

Unexpected early morning calls is often dreaded. Bad news is often the cause of these early morning calls. And one such call today came and along with it, bad new.

Mum was saying that all of us have not really recovered from the shock death of Dad and now this. His mother have joined him. Its gonna be deja vu when we go over to Jurong later. And I will most definitely go to the cemetery to send Nenek off today. My heart is not broken, just hurting.

I am not really close to Nenek but she is afterall my father’s mother. If Dad is still around, he would be the one kancheong. Confirm dia heartbroken.

So death… It has come to our family more than once. It is something nobody wish for, but wishing it away is impossible. Tears will surely follow.

You know what would make me cry? Seeing someone buried. I’ve seen it a lot towards the end of this year. Everytime I visit Dad’s grave, there will almost always be some being buried. Watching from a distance is not the same as seeing the body being lowered into the liang lahad and reading of the talkin soon after. Images of that and the thought that my father is the one being lowered in will most definitely bring the tears out.

Al Fatehah to my arwah Nenek Salmah. My memories of her and her voice will forever be etched in my mind.

Rainy Love

There is something just very appealing about rain to me. Some of you might beg to differ but that’s just personal preference kan?

Singapore is in the monsoon season baby! And I welcome it back every year with arms wide open! If I could embrace the rain and kiss it, I would but erm, how do you actually embrace rain? By having your own silly rain dance of course! How exciting! Tapi tu semua budak-budak punya permainan, takkan aku nak pergi main hujan kan? Sheesh. The last time I actually enjoyed the rain embracing me was when I was in Tioman. Yeah, in the midst of suntanning, the clouds came and took Mr Sun away. And the rain came. And it was just so nice to sit in the rain. The other tourists were like looking at us and thinking we’re a crazy duo!

There are many things that you can actually do on a rainy day. The most important is not to stay warm and dry. Its actually to be wet, cold and dirty! I know, that totally doesn’t sound appealing. Ok, maybe stay warm and dry is better. Hmmm.. Actually kan, the most favourite thing for me to do when its raining is to curl up in bed and dream of ponies running over a rainbow. Haha. Macam paham eh.

Reading a book is an alternative if you cannot imagine a nice cute pony running over a rainbow. You can read it up instead of imagining it. How nice. But I still think curling up in bed under those warm inviting busuk blanket is the most favourable of all!

Or otherwise, you can just take an umbrella out and just hear the rain pitter patter on the the ground/umbrella/your head whatever. There is something quite therapeutic about it for me. Again, personal preference. Whatever you think.

There was once when I woke up late for school and decided to go to school after lunch. Its just my good/bad luck that the rain decided to come down strong and hard when I’m in the bus. And I walked from the bustop to school in the rain. I was totally and utterly drenched when I walked in class. The teacher was quite amazed that I decided to come to school at all because of the rain! To be honest, I don’t mind walking in the rain.

One exception to that though, no lightning please!

It’s The End of The Year

Honestly? I just wanna go to sleep now. Seriously? I can’t. Technically? I’m thinking about what to do since I cannot sleep. So the obvious? Blog. I haven’t blogged since about less than 10 days ago. Why? You don’t have to know.

The school holidays is here here here. And its gonna end in another week or so. Feels like it just started and then now its gonna be gone gone gone. Bosan Bosan Bosan.

I have been working. But not work my ass off like last time. I have to think about Mum too nowadays. There are certain days where I simply cannot work. Like some weekends. And some weekdays. So this year, privacy is something that is taken away from me. For now at least.

Anyway, the reason I want to blog tonight is because, since its such a nice windy night up here on the 20th floor, and because I doubt there will be another night as nice as this, I will blog about the end of the year. Haha. Not the end of the world because it has not happened yet and I hope that when it does happen, I would already be dead by then.

So this year, 2009, what has happened so far?

Nothing.

Nothing interesting.

But well, if you count going back to school (yet again) is exciting then yeah, thats exciting like hell. I have a 1000 word report to do and I have yet started doing that yet! Yeoww!

Holidays wise… Nothing interesting there too! I went to KL earlier this year and I went to Pulau Tioman in July. I tried snorkeling in Tioman which is a fantastic experience (other than diving), but unfortunately, my contact lens just had to be naughty on the trip so part of the snorkeling was wasted by me sitting in the boat. Haha.

Family wise… My dad passed away on 1st October 2009. It still seems surreal to me. Its like, I know he’s no longer around but sometimes, it just feels as if he’s still at home waiting for mum and me to come home just like last time. I miss that. I miss going home and opening to door to find him sitting watching the TV and smiling at me when I enter the door. And he would ask, “Dah makan?” Mana anak dia tak gemok eh. Ashik tanya aku dah makan ke belum aje. Haha. There is a lot of other things that I miss but I won’t start being emotional because I don’t feel like it.

Ambitions wise… Well… I have ever blogged somewhere in blogger that I wanna get a driving license by dunno what age. And in 2008, I failed my BTT and then I kind of forgot about the idea… Until this year. Well, late this year. A few weeks before Dad’s passing, I was playing with the idea of enrolling myself at BBDC and kick-start my project. Haha. Yeah, so my project is to get a driving license by 2010. So I enrolled at BBDC a week after Dad’s passing. I didn’t had the chance to tell him that I am taking driving license. Terkilan kejap tapi takpe lah, I think he knows. So far, I have passed my BTT, applied for my PDL and I’m on my way to attaining the driving license by 2010. If I passed, I’m sure I’m gonna blog about it.

So that’s about it.

I am not going to any countdown party this year. I feel like that is an utter waste of time. Buang masa, buang duit dan buang tabiat. I’m a Daddy & Mummy’s girl and I’m not gonna do things that will only hurt them much more in akhirat.

Enjoy! Cheers!

To The East to the ECP

So what have I been up to recently? Hmmm… The last week of school sucks. It didn’t suck because I was actually there, but it suck because I feeling-feeling wanna get perfect attendance and it turns out that semangat tu hanya seminit. I was only in school on Thursday. Boo ya!

And there was a reason why I went on Thursday only lah. Because I have to re-sit for a test that I missed the previous Thursday. And because I only knew of the timing for the test a day before, my plans for Thursday afternoon was ruined. It doesn’t upset me anymore but still, wasted!

Oh, and the pathetic 3 weeks school holidays is here here here! But it really shouldn’t be considered a school holiday because I have 2 assignments. Because of the infrequency of me being in school, there are some assignments that is to be emailed to my CA sometime soon. Well, he didn’t put a time frame to the actual date of submission, so I am gonna be really procrastinating like hell. And then there is the 1000 word report. *Sigh* There goes my plan for sleep-work-sleep-work-sleep.

Ok, enough about school.

Yesterday and today, I had some sort of fun at East Coast Park. Yesterday, went there with Mum, San+Nana & Niece+Nephew+maid. Had 1 hour of cycling. Man, I really miss my stamina. Haha. I was almost breathless when riding uphill. But I survived and I’m alive to blog about it. LOL. But nothing beats the feeling of the wind blowing against you and your hair fluttering behind bla bla bla.

And today, went to ECP after work for Ika’s birthday chalet. I was really tired from work, so I just ate and watched all the kecohness unfolding. Wakaka. And I remembered Nadia Shahirah because I haven’t seen her in more than a week and she love to host a chalet, so naturally, my mind wanders over to her. Lol. Oh, and I haven’t seen the other Nad (Siti N) in quite a while too. So if you’re reading this, Hello miss, enjoy your holidays!

So my weekends was a blast!

You know, birthdays will no longer be the same anymore. Okay well, MY birthdays will never be the same anymore. I feel like I won’t ever be able to celebrate my birthdays with as much enthusiasm as before (as if there were any to begin with). I cannot enjoy myself to the fullest without forgetting that in another 2 days, the memory of losing my Dad will be overwhelming me.

Okay fine, I don’t wanna blog about that because you know, this is something I’d rather not talk about. I am zoning out on this every now and then. When the painful memory flashes, I try to control my emotions. And zoning out unnecessary things works wonders on me.

Idols Kakak Kau

So my fellow Singaporeans? Who have been watching and keeping tabs on this year’s Singapore Idol? You, you, you and you. Me? I tend to watch SI towards the end only lah. Couldn’t be bothered enough to actually ikot perkembangan you know.

Tonight, I watched part of the show and somehow made it to 10pm for the results for the final two. Tabitha is good. Some people (or most?) says that she is a Beyonce wannabe. Huh? Ok lah, if no originality you have to give the girl the credits for actually having the talent and going on national TV and sing. Its no easy feat eh. How many of us would actually have the talent and guts to do what she does? Can count using fingers and maybe toes lah eh.

I personally know someone who did just that. Some 10 years or more ago. She is my beloved sister. Nana sang at the now history Asia Bagus. If you didn’t know, that show ‘created’ Amy Mastura. If my memory serves me correctly. So by default, my idol is Suhana Sahmat lah. So if you notice the title, idol aku kakak aku. Apesal? Ada masalah? Report kat bomba ah! Wakakakakaka.

Ok so, I think Sylvia Ratonel is gonna be the next Singapore Idol. The first female Singapore Idol. No offence to Sezairi huge fanbase but you know, I cannot imagine Sezairi as the next Singapore Idol. This is my personal opinion lah. But you know, hardcore Sezairi fans, which comprises of a huge amount of makciks (my mum not included cause she wanted Sezairi to be out. haha), minahs (myself not included) and minah hardcores, so maybe if he wins, these fans are the ones who voted like crazy. Waste money lah, but if you’re really a hardcore fan, I’m sure you wouldn’t mind wasting money kan?

Anyway, I am not into Si lah eh. I prefer listening to K-pop right now. Haha. Perangai cheebye siak aku.

Apparently, 2NE1 is my current idols. Haha. Okay, aku bedek. I like 2 of their songs so that doesn’t mean that I idolise them. But if you haven’t heard this song of theirs I would advise you to listen okay. Confirm addicted lah. Cheebye siak.

I would totally imagine myself driving and listening to this song in the near future. Haha. But of course lah, kalau drive gi kubur bapak aku, tak dapatlah nak dengar lagu ni. Syaitan tu namanye.

Enjoy eh!

Bye Bye Vaio

My laptop screen has gone busted. Or maybe its not the screen problem but something wrong inside. And maybe its high time I get a new laptop. But you know, hutang with Courts for this bloody laptop is not finished and now it has abandoned me. Can you just imagine my great heartpain? Its so frustrating lah. KNN. Cheebyebye betol.

Btw, if you’re wandering, I am using my sister’s laptop to blog. And maybe to luahkan perasaan. Haiyoyoyoyoyo. Bosan ah cam ni. Ni laptop macam tahu je aku nak dapat duit. Siak tul. Aiyah, after this get something below $1000. I dowwant to invest so much in laptop anymore. Or maybe get a netbook. Don’t know lah.

Anyway, since I angry already because of my laptop, I am gonna tell you all something that is not angry. Ape aku merepek ni? Ok lah, on to a better topic.

You know the ‘project’ that I am working on right now? Well, its going on very well. It might end sooner than I thought! How about that! Now I’m at Stage 2, which is still a long time away from completing my project.

School holidays is very soon too. Next week is the final week and then I will be on 3 weeks holidays. Yeay! Aku suka sekali! To think about it, this term is my worst term. Haha. Attendance have been dropping like real bad, I got no interest to go school. But even when I didn’t go school, I can still catch up on my studies. Insyaallah. Oh, and I go to school just to play games. Whats new eh? Now its L4D. Left for Dead. Macam addicted gitu main tu game.

Ok lah, now I am gonna wallow in self pity.

The Past Few Days

Hari Raya Haji this year is not the same like last year. Of course lah not the same because Dad is not around and all. Well, basically the whole family was in Marsiling then we went to Nenek Woodlands house and went to Busu house in Jurong and stayed put until 10 pm. And that was it. Great huh?

Dad’s kubur has the dapur-dapur already. Its white and pretty. Hee.

Nice right? The lady in tudung hitam with her back facing the camera is Sarah Aqilah. Her sister’s grave is very near Dad’s. But it would be kinda rude to ask for autographs at the cemetery kan. Haha. Dad is a huge supporter of Sarah Aqilah during Anugerah ‘09. He said her voice is powderful. LOL. Ok lah, power lah. I’m sure he would be honoured to have met her, but now since he’s not around, Sarah Aqilah jalan by his kubur pun dah kira ok lah tu. WTH.

Anyways, my project is going fine. Nothing much to update there.

School sucks like always. My impending Service Excellence Role Play have a script but no partner. Apparently my partner MIA from school and I am left all alone. =( So sad macam ni. And the Role Play is tomorrow! Bloody hell. I need to find someone who is willing to role play with me. Alah, jadi customer je. Senang pe. See how lah tomorrow eh.

Lastly, I think I am gonna be sick today or tomorrow. My throat is hurting and I am very lethargic. It might also be due to insufficient rest. Haiyah.

Round 1, Fight!

Since I cannot blog in peace when I’m around Thara & Zach, I think I will blog here, now in school.

A few weeks or months (I can’t remember), a friend told me about his past love life. Haha. Before you say that I am kaypoh or what, let me assure you than indeed I am. LOL. Okay, not standard makcik kaypoh bawah block mengumpat pasal jiran tetangga (maybe in the future when I have 10 kids and a husband who’s always away), but I am more like the minah kaypoh nak tahu tentang kehidupan. I wanna gather people’s life experiences. LOL. I don’t have much of a love life to get the experience. Ok, I’m side-tracking here. Back to the subject.

A bit of background info (Siti Nadia, kalau kau tahu sape orang ni diam eh!). He is married with 3 kids. 2 is his and the other one is not. Apparently, before he is married he is in a relationship planning to be married to another girl. Lets name this girl Minah & the guy Mat. Minah & Mat was in a relationship for 3 years (or more, I tak ingat) and were very much in love. One fine day, Mat met another girl, Minot (hahaha, lack of ideas on what to name her). Mat & Minot lived under the same roof because Mat have some unforeseen circumstances and sort of ‘tumpang’ with Minot. And then you know, when a man and a woman is in the same room, anything can happen. And then 9 months later Minot gave birth.

Here’s the thing…

Mat told me that he told Minah about what happened only after the child is born. Minah, choosing the don’t-wanna-argue method, told him to go ahead and get married to Minot since they already have a child.

In Mat’s opinion, Minah shouldn’t have given in too easily. To him, if she really loved him, she should have fought for their love, proceed with the plan to get married and settle the kid problem with Minot at the same time. When she gave up on him, that goes to show that she doesn’t love him anymore.

That is a man’s point of view. For a woman’s POV?

I think Mat is talking bullshit. What crap is that? To fight for a man who have cheated on you? In the first place, what is there to fight for? Love? What love are you talking about here? You cheated! And that’s that! If Minah fought back and go back to Mat, I don’t think she can live with the fact that he screwed around before and will or might do it again.

Another thing is, as a woman, we understand what other women feel. If it happened to me, I wouldn’t want to raise a child alone. But then again, I wouldn’t mind raising a child alone either. In this era, a guy is not really important to have around as a Dad if he is not reliable as one.

But in the end, Mat & Minot got married because Minah gave up on Mat. I think her decision is right.

In my opinion, I would never fight for a man who have cheated on me. Once a man cheat, he automatically loses my trust & respect. Whatever reason he gave, its still not valid. There is always a rebuttal to reasons given when you cheat.

Going Crazy

My classmates are crazy over K-Pop nowadays. I mean, whats the craze all about right? Well, after unwillingly listening to K-Pop all morning long in class, some of the songs just got stuck in my head. And its bloody irritating I tell you.

After the Wondergirls with Nobody and dunno who with I Don’t Care (which I don’t really care by the way), here comes Super Junior with Sorry Sorry. Sorry for what also I don’t know. Bah!

Its damn addictive I tell you! Haiyah. I haven’t had the urge to go and download the song so I can put in my mobile and MP3 because I don’t wanna be too addicted to K-Pop. Haha.

And then there is the recent movie craze. First there is 2012. Apparently the world is coming to an end in 2012. IMHO, this is all just speculations and bullshits because nobody actually knows when the world is really coming to an end. Kalau Tuhan dah tentukan kiamat akan terjadi besok, siapa nak halang? Haiyoh. But I’m still gonna go watch 2012 on Thursday with Nana.

Paranormal Activity. People who have watched Paranormal Activity claimed that they cannot sleep, bla bla bla. Me? I don’t let it get to me. I mean, its just a movie. And its not true! Its NOT based on a true story as some people claim. Those who thinks this movie is not a movie but actually believes that the 2 people, Katie and Mikah, is dead somewhere in San Diego, should really go see a shrink for the inability to separate fact from fiction. LOL.

But I must say, after watching the movie online, it is indeed quite scary. There are certain elements that makes the movie scary. Like, the sound effects do plays a part.

Overall, I highly suggest you get addicted to K-Pop, watch Paranormal Activity alone and watch 2012 for all the hype the movie have generated. And go crazy ok?

 

Hectic

Sometimes, I feel as if I’ve got no time to rest. Everyday, mesti ada je yang harus dibuat. Its exhausting.

Today I did not go out because well, I am just so tired! My whole body is aching, my legs especially. I didn’t even go school lah today.

I just wish I can go for a week long holiday.

And and and, I cannot blog properly with kids around!